Advertisements
News Ticker

Upcoming Releases: They All Suck

I am going to save you the time in case you are busy and don’t want to read this.
The movie coming out this weekend are awful.
Either don’t go or see something already out.
But since Upcoming Releases is part of the blog I have to do a piece about the new movies.
Even though they suck.
First let’s get to the ones that want to torture a lot of people.

WIDE RELEASES
Hardcore Henry
A first-person action film from the eyes of Henry, who’s resurrected from death with no memory. He must discover his identity and save his wife from a warlord with a plan to bio-engineer soldiers.
Rated R
96 min
Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
Metascore: 49/100
TRAILER

A first person movie? Isn’t that why there are video games?
So this whole movie is basically a video game?
Is that what they are telling me?
Eh.
I’d rather just buy a game.
I can play that over and over again once I own it.
game over this blog needs movies

THE BOSS
A titan of industry is sent to prison after she’s caught for insider trading. When she emerges ready to rebrand herself as America’s latest sweetheart, not everyone she screwed over is so quick to forgive and forget.
Rate R
99 min
Comedy
Metascore: 40/100
TRAILER

I like Melissa McCarthy. I think she is funny. But I am also getting tired of her too.
Also why did they have to make this movie rate-R? I don’t know how that is supposed to help the film.

Now let’s talk about the awful movies that are being shown in limited release.
These movies decided to save some of us from the misery of watching them.
Only a few have to.

LIMITED RELEASE
Demolition
As an investment banker struggles after losing his wife in a tragic car crash, his increasingly confessional series of letters to a vending machine company catch the attention of a customer service rep with whom he forms an unlikely connection.
Rated R
100 min
Comedy Drama
Metascore: 48/100
TRAILER

If you like Jake Gylllehaal then you may like this movie.

Invitation
While attending a dinner party at his former home, a man thinks his ex-wife and her new husband have sinister intentions for their guests.
100 min
Horror Thriller
Metascore: 75/10
TRAILER

All I am going to say about this movie is, that is not Tom Hardy.

Louder Than Bombs
The fractious family of a father and his two sons confront their different feelings and memories of their deceased wife and mother, a famed war photographer.
Rate R
109 min
Drama
Metascore: 69/100
TRAILER

Wedding Doll
Hagit, a young woman with mild mental deficiency, works in a toilet-paper factory. She lives with her mother Sarah, a divorcée who gave up her life for her daughter. Hagit strives for independence and Sarah is torn between her desire to protect her, and her own will to live. When a relationship develops between her and the son of the factory owner, Hagit hides it from her mother. The announcement of the closing of the factory shakes Hagit and Sarah’s life and jeopardizes Hagit’s love story.
82 min
Drama

Mr Right
A girl falls for the “perfect” guy, who happens to have a very fatal flaw: he’s a hitman on the run from the crime cartels who employ him.
Rate R
90 min
Action Comedy Romance
Metascore: 53/100
TRAILER

No. Just no. Rockwell can be Kendrick’s dad not boyfriend. Pus I saw this movie already. And I hated it then.

The Dying Of The Light

A documentary that explores the history and craft of motion-picture presentation through the lives and stories of the last generation of career projectionists.
95 mins
Documentary
TRAILER

A Space Program
The artist Tom Sachs and his team of bricoleurs build a handmade space program and send two female astronauts to Mars.
72 min
Documentary Adventure Drama Sci-Fi
TRAILER

No wonder this movies got low Metascores. They are pretty bad.

AM I GOING TO THE MOVIES THIS WEEKEND?
No. Did you just read this whole post? My god, if I am going I am not going to see any of these films. I am going to see something already out.

WHAT ONE WOULD I SEE (IF I HAD TO)
A Space Program
It seems like it has something to say about a topic I don’t hear much about. If you are a film teacher then you should definitely go to see this film.

Other than that…
Take the weekend to do something else besides going to the movies.
Maybe you have a book you want to finish.
Or maybe your favorite sports team is playing.
Do that.
At least then you will know you may enjoy it.
With these it is like I know the ending.
And they all end the same.
Bad.

Click here to signup for the newsletter

Advertisements
About Theodore Ficklestein (113 Articles)
Theodore Ficklestein is a blogger, author and writer whose blog post you may have just read. He has written three poetry books and has a upcoming novel being released in 2017. You support his work by becoming a patron on his Patreon page.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: