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Starlord Is Not As Cool As They Make He Seem

Guardians of The Galaxy has redefined the modern blockbuster with its special effects and vagabond heroes.
It is a franchise that mocks the success of blockbusters while being a blockbuster.
They aren’t really superheroes trying to save the universe.
They are bad guys who just so happen to do that.
Their crew in this movie fits the description of a poorly picked team with a below average criminal, a disgruntled green assassin, a crazy blue warrior, a tree, and a raccoon.
My god, it is like Marvel is trying to make fun of itself with that lineup.
As if they picked out the characters from a hat while sitting around the table thinking of the next idea.
“What is our next movie going to be about?
“Well let me see. I got a blue warrior and a tree for characters.”
Sure why not?
What the hell?
Not every character can be Ironman or The Hulk so screw it, go for broke and make unrealistic bizarre characters that somehow save the day by dancing.
As I watched the latest movie, I couldn’t help but notice the hypocrisy within the movie.
This movie is a part of the Marvel machine.
The one that makes up movies for great heroes like Antman and who has all but killed blockbusters.

Click here to read who Antman really is in the superhero universe

They are with the people who have become the most popular movie making company since Disney.
Seeing the name Marvel on a movie screen is going to draw people into seats, even if the product is below average.
Guardians is the blockbuster it is trying to mock.
Like a rich person buying an item with the words, “The struggle is real.”
Do they know that they are as much of the joke as the joke they are trying to make?
The struggle can’t be that real if you are buying a $20 lamp.
The Guardians are like that indie band that made it big, but is still trying to be an indie band.
They are no longer unknown awful characters who can’t help anyone.
Clearly they can.
They did it in the first movie.
Marvel will have to confront this problem with the characters eventually, which will only make the franchise even more awkward, since part of the large appeal of the first movie was the outlawish behavior of the characters.

Click here to read why Marvel has ruined blockbusters

At the core of my questioning is the attitude I am supposed to have for their main leader, Starlord.
Played by Chris Pratt (who as my friend mentioned is not really acting as Starlord, as much as he is acting naturally and is going by the name Starlord)
This well acted character by a diverse actor comes across as the cool guy of the crew.
The one that is not crazy, or a tree, or an animal.
He is just an average guy, or as average as one can be in a universe with blue people and large alien monsters and a stone that saves the heroes.
Normal is relative in a superhero universe.
And we should like this guy.
He is not the anti-hero or the asshole who we don’t care for.
He won’t be a dick to his enemies just because he can, or leave his allies to die for some money.
As we watch the films we are expected to root for Starlord and his Fallout mask.
In fact, the franchise has gone out of their way to make us feel for him in particular.
Most, if not all of the franchise’s flashbacks are of Starlord’s life, not the other characters, despite each of them bringing up part of their past.
The other characters have not ignored where they came from.
Their description of their past is essential for us to understanding the character.
I know this is a superhero movie, so we buy into the reality we are presented, but even we have to be convinced why we should like a tree that says three words and a racoon that can’t shut up.
When Starlord reminisces, we get a scene to watch and a song to boot.
When Drax talks of his former life, that is all we get, him talking of his former life.
I don’t think that the franchise will change their approach here, especially at this time, when they are trying to put the Guardians and The Avengers together.
The last thing those movies will have are flashbacks.
Each character will have a hard enough time fighting for screen time to begin with.

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During one of the songs being played in the recent movie, I sat back in my seat and said to myself, “Are you kidding me? That is the song he played? Am I supposed to feel bad for him, or laugh at him for his musical tastes?”
He was playing Cat Stevens and I am expected to think that he is the
Really, Marvel?
You are presenting the cool character in the crew as someone who likes classic rock.
I am not someone against that genre, but even that gets old after a while.
Someone should tell Marvel that the bands of the 80’s and 90’s don’t sound like the 60’s and 70’s bands.
What is going to happen in the next movie?
Will Starlord be surprised when he hears Smells Like Teen Spirit?
Didn’t Captain America do that already?
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Or is Marvel going to let Starlord keep his old music?
Eliminating any sense of coolness he could have in our world today.
If Starlord is like most classic rock listeners, he is in the first age or era of classic rock.
Not including the likes of Chuck Berry and Buddy Holly and Elvis.
He is apart of the age that most think of when classic rock is brought up, the 60’s.
Which oddly enough his playlist doesn’t include one song from the Beatles, Stones or Led Zeppelin.
The guy wants me to think he knows classic rock and he doesn’t have one song of any of the three most popular bands of that genre.
He could probably have a playlist of those three artists if he wanted to.
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As all things, classic rock changed and so did its listeners.
Most would agree that a band from the 90’s doesn’t sound like a band from the 60’s, so Starlord will either adapt the new sound, which he won’t since the movie very clearly stated it is important to him, or he will reject the new sound, making me think of less of his perceived reputation.
To make Starlord even less appealing is his pathetic attempt at trying to get with Gamora.
After a scene or two of that failed romance, all I was thinking was how it was taking away from whatever other scene was going on.
Maybe Drax is saying something funny about the ugly chick, who is not that ugly.
Or maybe Baby Groot is being cute because he is a baby tree.
Starlord and Gamora talking about their love life just bored me.
And then for some stupid reason David Hasselhoff was brought into the movie.
I don’t know what the hell was going on with that?
It was supposed to be a joke, I guess.
The more I see Starlord and his buddies, the less they seem to bring to the table.
The more the reveal who they really are, an Avengers knockoff.

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I don’t know how long Marvel is going to try to do this with their movies.
How long can this momentum they have created will last.
Will people continue to go to anything that Marvel makes?
Even if the main character are parodies of their more popular ones.
I can’t tell you right now, this style of film-making is already starting to get old to me.
Having said all that, I will probably go to see the next film.

Click here to read how the Marvel universe should end.

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About Theodore Ficklestein (113 Articles)
Theodore Ficklestein is a blogger, author and writer whose blog post you may have just read. He has written three poetry books and has a upcoming novel being released in 2017. You support his work by becoming a patron on his Patreon page.

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